The Tilling Cocktail: An Anecdotal Study of Its Origins on an East Sussex Summer Day, with Additional History of the Process of Its Naming at Mallards House, Tilling, and the Finalization and Recognition of the Name at the Savoy Hotel, London
By Kathleen Bradford, based upon characters created by E. F. Benson and expanded by Tom Holt, Guy Fraser-Sampson and Deryck Solomon
An original drink recipe was devised by Mr George Pillson of Mallards House, Tilling, East Sussex, in the summer of 1934 on a day when “it was too hot to play croquet, or do anything, really.” Although finding the heat to be “quite tarsome,” Mr Georgie was still restless and began “puttering about” with the liquor on sideboard. After tasting Georgie’s “little concoction of my own”, his wife Emmeline “Lucia” Pillson, then Mayor of Tilling, insisted he serve the cocktail at their next dinner party.
In Tilling society, the drink was well-received by everyone except Elizabeth Mapp-Flint, then Mayoress and Councillor of Tilling, who praised it highly, but did so with a look on her face that said just the opposite. She did later appropriate the cocktail for her own use on those rare occasions when she had people to dinner, albeit the cocktail was served in adulterated form in order to make it less costly, and she attributed its invention to her Great Aunt Caroline.
On the evening of Lucia’s dinner party, the cocktail was still un-named, as Georgie wanted to call it the Olga Cocktail after his dear friend, the Prima Donna Olga Bracely, but he forbore to say so, knowing that it would irritate his wife, who was graciously allowing Olga to stay with them for fortnight’s rest in the rejuvenating sea air of England’s South Coast, well known for its restorative properties. Georgie knew that the graciousness could evaporate quickly, as it only thinly veiled Lucia’s jealousy over his friendship with Olga.
Lucia, of course, wanted it called the Pillson Cocktail, or the Lucia Cocktail, or the Tilling Aperitivo.
Mrs Susan Wyse first suggested the Blue Birdie Cocktail, but after it was pointed out that the cocktail was not blue, she made a second suggestion of the M.B.E. Cocktail, which was greeted with even less enthusiasm than her previous suggestion.
Mr Algernon Wyse praised his wife’s valiant attempt at naming and politely begged Mr Pillson to name it the Whitchurch Cocktail, at which his sister Amelia, the Contessa di Faraglione, snorted and said, “You may as well name it the Contessa Cocktail,” and asked if she could have her glass refilled.
Mr Wyse bowed to his sister but gently suggested that, as it was a Tilling creation, perhaps the name should indeed reflect something more local; and thus he withdrew his suggestion of the Whitchurch Cocktail, as Tilling is in East Sussex and Whitchurch is in Hampshire.
Olga, of course, called it “The Georgie.” And she then added, “The best dressed cocktail in East Sussex!” Everyone laughed, and Mr Wyse bowed to Olga. Georgie was well known for his neat, stylish, and sometimes daring mode of dress.
“Why not the Tilling Godiva,” suggested Mrs Godiva Plaistow, known as “Diva”, whose rotund form in no way encouraged the interest of any Peeping Tom. She elaborated, “You know, like the Horse’s Neck or the Singapore Sling.” At this, everyone paused to look curiously at Diva, wondering at her familiarity with these exotic cocktails. Answering the unspoken question, Diva added, “Read about them in Vogue. Never tasted them, though.”
Mr Georgie made a mental note to order a cocktail recipe book from the book shop, so that he could introduce different cocktails to Tilling. After all, his little concoction was providing much comment and conversation tonight, so other cocktails might prove similarly rewarding. Thank goodness no one’s wearing any new clothes, he thought selfishly, as a new frock or suit might have distracted Tilling from his cocktail. Why, I’m discovering a whole new aspect to being a host! And I get so nervous whenever I’m wearing a new suit, but I can use a different cocktail to distract everyone when I do.
Quaint Irene Coles, Tilling’s avant-garde artist and Socialist, suggested the drink be called the Poor Man’s Poison, which everyone thought was in poor taste. Realizing her gaffe, and realizing she had probably hurt Mr Georgie’s feelings thereby, she apologized, then said, “I also vote for calling it the Georgie Cocktail!”
Major Benjy, who disliked what he considered to be effeminate drinks, had been casting about desperately for something appropriate to say. “By God! This reminds me of a drink I had at the Thana Polo Club in India, but better tasting.” There, that’s all right, he thought with satisfaction, as Georgie refreshed his drink.
Elizabeth Mapp-Flint had been uncharacteristically silent during the repartee. She now spoke, “I don’t know. It tastes rather too strong for me, though I’m sure it’s quite good.” Her attempt to damn the cocktail with faint praise failed.
Quaint Irene batted her eyes at Elizabeth, “How about calling it the Knockout Punch? Strong, and like Horse’s Neck or Singapore Sling.” She nodded at Diva.
Suddenly Evie Bartlett, the Vicar’s wife, said, “No, it’s not strong. It’s delicious! Strong is like Major Benjy’s whisky.” Since it was very unusual for Evie to contradict anyone, her words carried weight. It was, in fact, very unusual for anyone except Lucia to contradict Irene or Elizabeth. Evie’s contradicting both Irene and Elizabeth at once was later called “one of the greatest acts of heroism in Tilling history” by the Contessa, who suddenly took notice of Evie, whom she had never really noticed before.
Evie’s bravery in praising his concoction made Georgie doubly firm in his resolve to obtain a cocktail recipe book. At least Diva and Evie will appreciate my cocktails, he thought; it will give them a little taste of the exotic.
Realizing that his mousy wife might be in need of reinforcement, the Reverend Kenneth Bartlett, called “Padre”, put the weight of the Church of England behind his wife. “Ach! Weel, wee wifey, you’re quite richt, quite richt! Not strong, but delicious! Needs a delicious name to go wi’ it.” The Padre almost always spoke in an odd mixture of Elizabethan English and archaic Scottish.
Grosvenor entered and announced dinner, and no name was ever chosen for Georgie’s cocktail. But some weeks later, Olga Bracely asked the waiter at the Savoy in London for a “Tilling Cocktail” and gave him the recipe, and “Tilling Cocktail” was what it was henceforth called.
The Basic Recipe:
Into an appropriately ornate cocktail shaker pour
4 ounces Campari Italian Bitters for the Worshipful Lucia Pillson,
4 ounces Noilly Prat Rouge sweet vermouth for Mr Georgie Pillson,
4 ounces Bombay Sapphire Gin for Major Benjamin Mapp-Flint.
The Variable Ingredients:
Elizabeth Mapp-Flint adds as much Schweppes Indian Tonic Water as possible, because it is good for the digestion and acts as a prophylactic against bilharzia; she is always looking after her Benjy-boy, who is prone to recurring bouts of an undefined tropical illness, causing him to suffer intermittent flaccid paraplegia and changes in personal behaviour. Major Benjy says he contracted this illness whilst he served in the King’s Indian Army. Also, Elizabeth knows that tonic water costs much less than any sparkling wine.
As alternatives, Lucia and Georgie prefer to use Italian Prosecco instead of tonic, while the Wyses use Veuve Cliquot.
Major Benjy prefers to use in the Tilling Cocktail no tonic, no Prosecco, no champagne, no Campari, and no vermouth; ignoring the fact that only one ingredient is not a recipe, Major Benjy claims a daily dose of Bombay Gin is what keeps his bilharzia from recurring, not tonic water.
Mixing the Cocktail:
Give the cocktail shaker to Quaint Irene, who is expert in agitation, both by shaking and by stirring, all whilst sweetly reciting a naughty limerick in her best imitation of Mapp’s velvety, cooing voice.
Serving the Cocktail:
Pour into twelve glasses, as there will be three tables for Bridge.
Serve with good humour and grace to Prima Donna Olga Bracely.
Serve to the Contessa di Faraglione and quietly say to her, “Lothario of the Tiger Skins,” which will make her look at Major Benjy and laugh out loud.
When tonic water is used, serve under ultraviolet light to Mrs Wyse, as tonic water will fluoresce and create the proper purple glow to stimulate her psychical abilities and perhaps attract the errant spirit of Blue Birdie: “Tweet! Tweet!”
Serve to Diva, commenting that this cocktail is a perfect compliment to her delicious and savoury sardine tartlets.
Serve to Evie Bartlett without really noticing her, unless she squeaks.
Serve on a small Georgian sterling silver tray with a verified punch-mark of Hester Bateman (registered with the London Goldsmith’s Guild in 1761), with a flourish and a bow, to Mr Wyse.
Serve to the Padre, and ask him, as a voluntary, to sing the Selkirk Grace, attributed to Robert Burns:
“Some hae meat and canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat and we can eat,
And sae the Lord be thankit.”
The End
Text Copyright 2012 Kathleen Bradford
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