Sunday, November 17, 2013

The Secret Life of Starling Cottage

Susan Wyse had a headache and had retired to her boudior for the afternoon. Left on his own, Algernon Wyse sat in his library, which looked out upon the garden of Starling Cottage.  The fire was warm, the brandy in his glass was exquisite, and he felt rather drowsy.  His mind began to wander.

Susan and I have been married for several years now.  Before our marriage, I was, for eight months of the year, in Tilling, but I was never OF Tilling, something Miss Mapp never let me forget.  She sometimes implied that marrying her would make me a true resident of Tilling; since marriage to her would be an extreme penance for the dubious joy of being accepted, I never pursued it.  Poor Major Benjy, married to Miss Mapp, utter torture.

But after I met Susan, after our marriage, I was considered a Tillingite, which is odd, as Susan was a recent incomer.   

And we have so much in common, our connections, our love of comfort, our love of comfortable travel, our love of the beautiful in art and in food, in clothing and in wine. My life has become so much more comfortable since we married.  I must remember to tell Susan that.  No more being encouraged to hope, since my hopes have been amply fulfilled.

She is proud of my connection to Italian nobility through my sister Amelia, the Contessa di Faraglione, (had Mr Wyse been standing, he would have bowed to the Contessa) and of my being one of the Wyses of Whitchurch, a county family, older than the ennobled branch of my family.  

I am proud of her M.B.E., of her excellent skills as a hostess--no guest will ever leave hungry from Starling Cottage.  I am even proud of my step-daughter Isabel, her independence, her courage in living in a manner that grants her happiness.

Susan happily travels with me to Capri to visit my sister, sometimes by ship, sometimes in her Rolls-Royce.  And to Whitchurch.  And to visit Toddy, my childhood friend, now retired from being Vice-Admiral in His Majesty's Navy. (Had Mr Wyse been standing, he would have bowed to His Majesty's Navy.) Shame about him being unable to walk now, yet he still invites us to visit him in Scotland every October or November--why, last year our fellow guest was Mountbatten himself.  (Had Mr Wyse been standing, he would have bowed to Mountbatten.)  Excellent fishing--wonderful salmon--and shooting, though I usually miss. 

Mr Wyse, as was his habit, sniffed the ethers of his brandy, took a drink, held the brandy in his mouth for a moment, savouring the flavor, and then swallowed.  He sat his empty glass aside and looked at the fire.

Yes, Mountbatten himself, although Mrs Mapp-Flint refuses to believe it, in spite of the photograph of Mountbatten, myself, and Susan in the forecourt at Toddy's.  Mrs Mapp-Flint said to Mrs Plaistow that it must be one of the beaters who resembled Mountbatten, not the man himself; mean-spirited woman, thinks because she lies that everyone else does as well.  I thank God that my Susan is not like that--no good at lying, my Susan.

Yes, Susan is soft and warm and comfortable, she knows what's important in life.  

And bridge, we both like a nice rubber after tea or after dinner.

I must contact a jeweler in London and find something nice for her.  Something that will go with her extraordinary eyes.  Odd that, her eyes are dark and I never saw their true beauty until I viewed them close up.



Suddenly an idea jolted Mr Wyse back into consciousness.  A portrait.  Yes, we must have our portrait painted, or, at least, be photographed.  Yes. But by whom?

Madame Mayor will know.


~~~~~~~~~~

Madame Mayor, also known as Lucia Pillson or Your Worship, was Tilling's first female mayor.  When the Wyses came to call on her in the garden room of her home Mallards House, she was with Quaint Irene Coles, Tilling's resident socialist and Royal Academy-recognized artist.  Irene offered to leave, but Mr Wyse said, "No, Miss Coles, your opinion will be just as invaluable as that of Mayor Pillson; we were, in fact, coming to visit you at Taromina after we left the Mayor, and your presence allows us to take care of two birds with one stone, as it is said in the proverb."

"What do you want to know," asked Irene in her usual abrupt manner.

"Mr Wyse and I have decided to have our portrait painted, for our upcoming anniversary," began Mrs Wyse.

"But we are at a loss as to which artist we should approach and thought you both may have recommendations for us," finished Mr Wyse.

"Barbara Hepworth."  Irene said this instantly.  "She can sculpt you and you can install her work in the garden at Starling Cottage."

The Wyses, in their perusal of art magazines, had seen the works of Miss Hepworth.  "We hope for something more traditional, I afraid," said Susan.  She did not want to be represented by oddly shaped black blocks.

"You could go to Paris and see if Tamara de Lempicka will paint you," suggested Irene.  Mr Wyse made careful note of the name.  

"We considered the painter Mark Gertler, since his painting of the Queen of Sheba quite resembles Mrs Wyse," said Mr Wyse, bowing in turn to Gertler, Sheba, and Susan Wyse.  Although slightly embarrassed and hoping no one would realize that the Queen of Sheba was nude, Mrs Wyse nodded, for the painting was her idealized self. 


"Nope, Gertler's cracked.  I met him last year.  Still totally cracked over Dora Carrington's suicide years ago.  Mind you, Dora Carrington was worth getting cracked over," said Irene.  Sometimes her abruptness was quite trying.  Mr Wyse remembered the scandal and he saw nothing romantic in Carrington shooting herself but forbore to say so.  

"Now, Irene.  Perhaps it  would be better if we suggested someone with experience making portraits of London Society?" interjected Lucia.

Mr Wyse bowed, "Indeed, that is just what we are looking for, Your Worship." Mrs Wyse murmured in agreement.

Lucia's husband Georgie was great friends with Olga Bracely, the Prima Donna.  While this friendship was a source of jealousy for Lucia, it also had provided many distinctive rewards for her.  Some months ago, Georgie had said that Olga had been photographed by Cecil Beaton and Georgie had shown Lucia some examples of his photography in Vogue.  Lucia had recently read that Mr Beaton had returned to London from New York recently.  "Portrait photography is an art that is  coming into its own.  Having Mr Beaton photograph you would put you on the cutting edge," said Lucia.

Irene nodded in agreement, "Not just for cinema stars anymore."

And then there was Lucia's friend Lady Adele Brixton.  Adele had sent Lucia a letter stating she had been photographed by Mr Beaton, and that Marcia, Duchess of Whitby, had been unable to get Mr Beaton to photograph her.  Marcia had snubbed him in the past by refusing to invite him to her parties.  Lucia knew all too well how that was, having been excluded herself by darling Duchess Marcia.

Mr Wyse made careful note of Beaton's name, bowed to Lucia and then to Irene, and the Wyses took their leave.  If Mr Beaton could refuse to photograph a Duchess, then he most certainly must be elegant and discriminating.

~~~~~~~~~~

Mr Wyse sent a letter to Beaton, using his own notepaper instead of sheets purloined from his sister, which contained her title and her address in Capri, and which Mr Wyse had gotten into the habit of using after hearing that Elizabeth Mapp, now Mapp-Flint, had doubted the existence of the Contessa di Faraglione.  

He wrote, "Friends of a friend, namely Prima Donna Olga Bracely and Lady Adele Brixton, have praised your work.  Mrs Lucia Pillson, Mayor of Tilling, has encouraged me to hope that you would be willing to execute a portrait of myself and Mrs Wyse in celebration of our anniversary.  Should you be willing to accept this commission, please have your secretary send details as to the date and the amount of time you will need, so that we can arrange to be in London and at your disposal during that time.  And if you are unable to accept this commission, perhaps you kindly could recommend someone who would be willing to undertake this task."

"Who are these people?" Beaton asked.  

Olga Bracely looked up from her glass of vermouth and replied, "They're very nice people.  If you work for them you can expect to be fed well on delicacies and rare wines.  He has some connection to Italian nobility and she has an M.B.E., which she sometimes wears, and she always wears her sables, even when it's broiling hot."

"No!  How utterly bourgeois!" exclaimed a delighted Beaton, "True snobs seem to be so rare these days.  Too many Socialists about."

"You must not be unkind.  I'm not sure that they are snobs; I think that they just enjoy the good things in life and can afford to do so.  Mr Wyse seems to have stepped directly out of Chesterfield's letters.  Bows a lot.  Both dress well, and eat well, and feed their guests well, and they can pay you well.  Easy money, I'd call it."

"I need easy money at the moment.  Since that debacle in New York, no fashion houses will hire me," Beaton paused and then sighed.  One small indiscretion, he thought, and the fashion world turns against you.

"Then quit photographing fashion and begin photographing the fashionable," said Olga, "You can begin with that snubbing Duchess.  And I'll sound out Princess Isabel as to whether she'd be interested."

"Thank you, Olga.  I shall arrange for these Wyses to come up to town.  And ask them to bring the M.B.E. and the sable coat.  What else?"  

"Call the Duchess."

"Yes, I will.  I'm almost out of vermouth, by the way."

~~~~~~~~~~

The Wyses were gratified that Mr Beaton was willing to accept their commission. Susan Wyse told her friends during shopping hour that Mr Beaton somehow knew about her M.B.E. and her sables, as he had asked that the Wyses bring them for the photo.

Elizabeth Mapp-Flint smiled widely and said sweetly, "Too kind of him, taking notice of poor little Tillingites."

Later, after stopping off at Diva Plaistow's home, Elizabeth said, "I doubt that photographer wrote that about the M.B.E. and the coat.  How could he know?"

"Mr Wyse showed me the letter, and Mr Beaton did write that.  You're too suspicious for your own good, Elizabeth," replied Diva.

"Are you certain that the Wyses did not write that letter," Elizabeth almost said "forged that letter" but stopped herself just in time, "To make themselves look important?"

"Most unlikely.  Wasn't written on Villa Faraglione stationery," replied Diva.

"We shall see, that's all I have to say about it."


Thinking that Elizabeth had said quite enough rude things about the Wyses for one day, Diva began moving around the room, arranging tables and cutlery, for Ye Olde Tea House was about to open: a few hours a day on a few days each week, Diva's house called Wasters became Ye Olde Tea House.  Diva ignored Elizabeth and was rewarded by hearing her front door slam as Elizabeth left. Don't know why she's so nasty about the Wyses, thought Diva, They host a lot of bridge and dinners and luncheons.  But Elizabeth can be hateful about most things.  It's always "poor Susan" this and "poor Susan" that; Susan isn't poor at all, I think Susan's okay; no need to be nasty.  Jealousy, that's what it is; jealousy and spite.  

~~~~~~~~~~

"London's been dreadfully dull," said Mr Beaton, meaning that London had not paid off as well as he had hoped, as the Duchess of Whitby was in Le Touquet for a fortnight.  "Do you think a week in Tilling would yield more results?"




"Tilling would be delighted to have you!" said Olga, who had two bottles of vermouth with her, one dry and one sweet.  "In fact, I can arrange for you to stay with the Mayor.  She and her husband will be thrilled.  Lucia Pillson is a snob extradinare! You'll enjoy her, and you'll have the best of everything."


"Then I will notify these Wyses of a change in plans.  They needn't come to London, I'll come to them," said Beaton.

"I'll call Tilling, Cecil, and arrange for you to stay," said Olga.

"Yes, do, thank you.  But from your house, not mine, please," was the reply, for money was in short supply.

Olga started to bring up the subject of money, but bit her tongue as she did not want to insult her friend.  "Then let us go to my little house in Brompton Square. You'll stay to tea, won't you?"

"Delighted!"

As Olga and Beaton exited the taxi at Brompton Square, Olga pointed across to number 25.  "Lucia Pillson, who you're going to stay with in Tilling, once owned it; had a wonderful Season, then her husband got sick and she had to chuck it all."

"Oh my dear!  Has her last name changed since then?  I remember going to tea and dinner there with a Mrs Philip Lucas, who was called Lucia.  She had a country home in the Cotswolds, I believe.  Great friends with Tony Limpsfield. Same person, or just coincidence?" 

"Same one!  Imagine that, you already know her!" cried Olga as they entered her house.

"You must fill me in on her and her name change before I leave."

"I shall do so.  And I must have time to think how best to put it to Lucia.  You see, I'm more a friend of her husband--"


"No!" Mr Beaton interrupted, wildly interested.

"Yes!  Georgie Pillson's a kind man and pleasure to be with.  And Lucia rather resents our friendship.  So I don't want to jump in and foul things up for you.  I'll call Tilling after lunch."

~~~~~~~~~~


The next morning in Tilling's High Street, the husband of the Mayor, Mr Georgie Pillson had great news.  First, he sought out the Wyses.  "Mr Beaton is coming to Tilling and staying with us at Mallards House, so you won't have to travel up to London after all."

A surprised Susan Wyse replied, "But we've heard nothing about this from Mr Beaton."

"He's sending you a letter explaining, you should get it later today or by tomorrow's morning post," continued Mr Georgie, "Olga called me yesterday afternoon to arrange for him to stay.  Lucia was at Town Hall, so I just accepted."

"That is good news indeed," said Mr Wyse, bowing to Georgie, "He will be able to photograph us in our own home, Susan.  We must arrange dinner and breakfast"--the Wyses ate late in the morning, so luncheon was referred to as breakfast, eschewing the new and horribly vulgar word brunch--"as soon as we know when he will arrive." Susan nodded; she had already stopped at Worthington's, the poulterer's shop, but she would return there and order partridges or quail for the occasion.  Then into the other shops to order salmon for the fish course, oysters for her favourite savoury, and crab, a lot of fresh crab.

Georgie knew what Susan was thinking.  "I'm certain you have arrangements to make, so I'll leave you to your shopping.  Au reservior!"  Georgie tipped his hat to Mrs Wyse, and Mr Wyse bowed again.  As he walked away, Georgie heard Susan say, "I must speak with cook immediately, Algernon!"  

Lucia had arranged the menus for meals at Mallards House yesterday after returning from Town Hall and being told of the impending visit.   Another coup for Lucia, albeit with Olga Bracely's help once again.

Georgie spied Evie Bartlett, the Vicar's wife, coming out of a shop, and he passed the news on to her.  "Fancy!  A real fashion photographer in Tilling!" she squeaked with excitement, "We've all seen his photos in fashion magazines!  I must tell Kenneth to brush up his sermon on the value of artistic endeavours to the soul."  Also, she had seen Diva Plaistow just outside her home (and Tea House), so Evie would have great news for her.  Georgie, having spread the news to three members of Tilling society, did not grudge Evie the pleasure of telling Diva.  That way, Elizabeth Mapp-Flint will get the news third-hand, or second-hand, whichever it is, he thought, Wicked of me, but so good for Mrs Mapp-Flint's character to be the last to hear. 

As Georgie walked up West Street towards Mallards House, he encountered Quaint Irene in front of Taromina.  "Has Lucia told you?" he asked.

"About Cecil Beaton, yes.  Does Mapp know?" Irene replied.

"I've told the Wyses and Evie, and Evie's telling Diva just now," said Georgie, "So, no, I do not think Mrs Mapp-Flint knows."

"Good.  I'll go paint something outside Grebe so that I can tell her," said Irene.

"You'll have to hurry if you want to get there before Mrs Plaistow," said Georgie.

"My feet have wings!" exclaimed Irene, "And besides, the other day Mapp was being rude about the Wyses, claiming that they'd forged the letter from Beaton. Can't wait to tell her!"  Having picked up a canvas and her paint box, and forgetting her easel, Irene hurried off.  In her haste, Irene left the door standing open, so Georgie shut it for her and resumed his walk up West Street toward home.

~~~~~~~~~~

Lucia called Susan Wyse.  "I'm terribly sorry about the short notice, but perhaps you and Mr Wyse would join us for tea at Mallards House?  Mr Beaton asked that we sort out his stay, making sure that he has time to photograph everyone."  So the Wyses came and Lucia wrote out the schedule in her neat handwriting.

Thursday, 3:50 p.m.  Mr Beaton arrives at Tilling Station, met by Mr and Mrs Pillson.  Tea at Ye Olde Tea-House: Mr Beaton, Mr and Mrs Wyse, and Mr and Mrs Pillson.

Thursday, 8:00 p.m.,  dinner at Starling Cottage with Mr Beaton, Mr and Mrs Wyse, and Mr and Mrs Pillson attending.  Mr Beaton will be able to view Starling Cottage and decide wherein he would like to make his photographic portrait.

Friday, 10:00 a.m., Mayor Pillson will escort Mr Beaton through Tilling:  High Street, Town Hall to sign Mayor's Book and view Corporation plate, and the Church (time allowing).  Mr Beaton may choose to make his photos using our beautiful Tilling as backdrop.

Friday, 12:00 Noon, Mr Beaton will then be escorted to Starling Cottage for portrait.  Mr Beaton will have luncheon and tea with Mr and Mrs Wyse.  Mr Beaton can choose to dine with either the Wyses or the Pillsons, whichever he prefers.

Saturday, 11:00 a.m., Mr Beaton will breakfast at Starling Cottage with Mr and Mrs Wyse, Mr and Mrs Pillson, the Padre and Evie Bartlett, Mrs Plaistow, Miss Coles, Miss Poppit, and Major and Mrs Mapp-Flint.  If others want their photograph taken, they can arrange it then.

Saturday, rest of day, unscheduled time--allow Mr Beaton to decide what he wants to do.

Saturday, 8:00 p.m., dinner for all at Mallards House, Bridge to follow if Mr Beaton is so inclined.

Sunday, 10:00 a.m., Church, following which, buffet luncheon for all in garden at Mallards House.

Sunday, rest of day, unscheduled time--perhaps Mr Beaton will go for an afternoon drive with the Wyses.

Monday, 11:00 a.m., Mr Beaton takes train back to London.

"That sounds well, does it not?" asked Lucia.

"Yes, it gives him time to make more portraits or just take photographs, if he so desires," said Mr Wyse.  He was suddenly struck by one major problem, but that problem seemed selfish to him, so once again he forbore to speak.

~~~~~~~~~~

On a first-class ticket which Olga insisted upon purchasing for him, Cecil Beaton arrived in Tilling.  He kissed Lucia's gloved hand and reminded her of their acquaintance in London; she pretended to remember him.  He was surprised by Georgie Pillson, who was not at all what he expected; but it made sense that Olga liked Georgie, for Georgie was the sort of man that a woman would always be safe with.  Beaton and his luggage were loaded into Lucia's Rolls Royce and all were driven to Ye Olde Tea-House, where he met the Wyses and Diva.

"Do you play Bridge, Mr Beaton?" inquired Diva, offering him a plate of sardine tartlets.




"Indeed, I do," said Beaton, for he often won a tidy sum at the Bridge table, although it was not his favourite pass-time.


"Plenty of Bridge in Tilling," said Diva.  Although it was only afternoon, Diva had chosen to wear his Mrs Titus Trout dress, black with a bit of crimson lake chiffon around the throat.  As styles had changed, Diva had made some alterations to the dress, which now had a regular waist instead of the drop-waist that was so popular in the 1920s.  Despite the alterations Diva's pillar-box shape was still apparent, and her rapid, bird-like walk was as far from attractive as a woman could get. Further, she wore a hat of her own design, with long feathers sticking up.  This hat was the most striking of her own creations, but like the Titus Trout dress, the hat was out of place in a tea shop in the afternoon.  Diva worried that her hands were no longer soft and smooth; work in the Tea-House had brought on wrinkles and age had brought the beginning of dark spots; she had thought of wearing gloves to meet Mr Beaton, but gloves would make serving tea too difficult and would ruin the gloves.

Beaton saw little of this.  The afternoon light came through the window, gilding Diva as she bustled about serving tea and chatting.  Diva had recently had the back room at Ye Olde Tea-House re-papered in a slightly obnoxious art deco design which had been reduced in price at the builder's.  Beaton saw how striking a photo would be of Diva, her dress, and her hat against the wallpaper.  He had been dealing with people for too long to mention his desire to photograph Diva. Beaton had been summoned to photograph the Wyses, and he doubted there would be any problem (and there would be great remuneration) with him photographing the Pillsons as well.  But the Wyses came first, and it was their anniversary, and he knew he could easily make their portrait something special. But the rich could be touchy about Beaton taking photos of others if it made them feel less-than-special.  Charm was the answer, and Beaton had it in spades.

~~~~~~~~~~

Finally, after a seemingly interminable round of tea, and meals, and tours of Tilling, Mr Wyse was alone with Mr Beaton.  Mrs Wyse was touching up her makeup.

"I hope it will not seem churlish of me," began Mr Wyse.  This amused Beaton, as there as absolutely nothing less churlish than Mr Wyse and his Regency manners.

"A problem?" asked Beaton, "I assure you, you may trust in me."

"This began as a simple portrait of myself and Mrs Wyse, but it seems to have gotten out of hand," said Mr Wyse.

"Do you mean everyone jumping in on what should be your parade?" asked Beaton.

"Yes, I am ashamed to say that you have read my thoughts accurately, although such pettiness should be beneath me," replied Mr Wyse.

"I have considered that, said Beaton, "I was told that you originally wanted a portrait painted, but opted to be photographed?"

"That is so," affirmed Mr Wyse as Mrs Wyse joined them, "We were told that you are the cutting edge in artistic portrait photography."  Then to his wife, who had just joined them, he said, "You look quite lovely, my dear Susan!  Quite."  And she did indeed look regal in her silk-and-lace dress and jewels and sable coat.

"Lovely!  Such style!  Yes!" said Beaton, and then he continued, "If you would be willing, I have asked a friend of mine, a wonderful portrait painter, to create a painting from one of my photographs.  He agreed, but stipulated that the photo be destroyed and only the painting remain.  Although it is difficult for me to destroy my own work, I agreed.  My friend, Rex Whistler, will make a wonderful portrait in oils for you, if you are willing.  And I shall take enough photos of you and Mrs Wyse to make certain that you get both the photo and the painting."

"Indeed!  We would be most willing, Mr Beaton!  Do have your Mr Whistler paint us," said a relieved Mr Wyse, bowing. Such a considerate gentleman, thought Mr Wyse of Mr Beaton.

Beaton was happy to procure a commission for his friend as well as for himself. Mr Wyse mentioned Gertler's Queen of Sheba, which surprised Beaton.  He looked again at Mrs Wyse and thought, the Queen of Sheba does not readily spring to mind when I see her.  But Beaton had noticed the sensuality of the Wyses life, something that they seemed to be unaware of, and this natural lack of awareness delighted Beaton.

The scene in Starling Cottage had been arranged by Beaton using the Wyse's own furnishings.  He began to snap photos.  "Wonderful!--Yes!--Now we're cooking!--Just like Lady Diana! (or some other social icon)," Beaton encouraged his subjects.  The Wyses gradually relaxed and the poses became more natural; Beaton kept snapping the shutter.  With what he was getting paid for his trip to Tilling, the cost of photographic film was not a consideration.

~~~~~~~~~~

Many of the Tillingites went to tea at Ye Olde Tea House on Monday afternoon in order to discuss Mr Beaton's visit.  Lucia and Georgie, Mr and Mrs Wyse, the Padre and Evie Bartlett, Quaint Irene, and Elizabeth Mapp-Flint were present. Major Benjy, having managed to get himself quite fuddled on Lucia's pre-War whisky at the luncheon buffet yesterday, whilst the charming photographer distracted Mrs Mapp-Flint, was under the weather.

Not knowing that Lucia had generously offered to pay Beaton should he take "impromptu" photos of her friends, Diva was telling Evie, ". . . he even took my photo--that's what I call kindness!"

"No!" squeaked Evie.

Diva continued, "Yes, he knocked on the door in the morning before we had opened. Asked me to put on my dress and fascinator.  Had Janet set a table in this very room with tea and a plate of sardine tartlets, then took my photo.  I can't wait to see it!  Ever so kind he was.  But he made me take off my gloves, though I didn't want to."

Evie nodded, "Real work is hard on the hands, isn't it?" she said quietly, so that the others would not hear.

"Ach!  And he took muckle wee photos of meself in the church, too," said the Padre, not wanting to be left out.

"He said Kenneth had the perfect face for a Vicar," said Evie proudly.  Beaton had not asked Evie to pose and although she was rather disappointed, she was used to basking in the reflected glory of husband and church, and so she made the best of it.  "And he spoke with me for some time yesterday," said Evie, thinking at least he didn't overlook me like most people do.  Not being an artist, Evie did not realize that Beaton overlooked nothing, which was part of the glamour that he cast.

"He took a few snapshots of me and my Benjy-boy at Lucia's wonderful luncheon yesterday," said Elizabeth.

"Was that before or after Major Quai-Hai! was squiffy?" asked Irene.

Elizabeth ignored Irene.  Before Irene could push things, Mr Wyse said, "You are all correct--such a considerate man, so understanding."

"Yes, and he told us all about the Mitford sisters and said I quite resembled Lady Diana Manners in style," said Susan Wyse.

"Indeed he did," her husband quickly supported her, lest Elizabeth say something to cast doubt upon or sneer at Susan's statement.

"He was quite cordial to us as well," said Georgie, "he told us all that was happening in London, didn't he, Lucia."

"He did indeed, and he remembered me from my London season so long ago.  He said I should return to London more often, but I explained that my duty to Tilling must come first, whatever cost to myself," said Lucia.

"I don't want you to spend time in London unless I'm with you," said Irene.  "We could go to all the galleries together; I could advise you on investing in art."

Lucia shook her head gravely, "No, Irene, as a former member of my council, you know how seriously I endeavour to work for the good of Tilling."

Feeling that the air was too heavily mayoral, Elizabeth shone the spotlight back upon Beaton.  "Mr Beaton was so sympathetic.  He took a photo of me with some flowers in the background after I explained to him that I once lived in Mallards myself, during happy days so long ago."  Elizabeth put on her wistful look, well-practiced in front of the mirror, first at Mallards and more lately at Grebe.

"I wonder how long it takes to get the photos back," said Diva, ignoring Elizabeth as Elizabeth had ignored Irene.

"He said about two weeks," said Georgie and Mr Wyse in unison, and everyone laughed.  Then the cards were dealt for Bridge.

~~~~~~~~~~

Diva and the Bartletts were the first to receive photos.  

Diva sat holding the large envelope for a moment, staring blindly at the London postmark and the return address.  Then she tore it open.  It contained one photograph, Diva posed against the art deco wallpaper in the back room of Ye Olde Tea House, a cup in one hand and saucer in the other, tartlets on the table beside her.  This was not a photo that she had posed for, Beaton had snapped it after telling Janet to bring another plate of biscuits from the kitchen, and Diva had thought they were on a break whilst awaiting Janet's return.   Her black dress shown wonderfully against the background and she was laughing at something Beaton had said.  As she was seated, her waistline, or lack thereof, was not a consideration.  Her hands were smooth and white, and she looked every inch a lady--or almost a lady, Diva thought, being fair minded.  

Evie wanted to tear into the envelope but since it contained photos of her husband and the church, she decided to let him open it.  She hurried to his study where he was working on his sermon.  After opening the sturdy envelope, the Reverend Kenneth Bartlett paused and examined the photo on top.  

Beaton had snapped a photo of Evie without her knowing it; she was in the front garden of the Vicarage and had just clipped a stray branch from a rose bush.  For some weeks she had been asking her husband to attend to the roses, whose thorns threatened to grab everyone who came down the front path, but he had been busy and so Evie decided to attend to it herself.  Beaton was being shown the quaint and beautiful houses, shops, and corners of Tilling by Lucia and Georgie. As they passed by the Vicarage, he snapped a photo of Evie, holding the offending branch of roses in one hand and pruning shears in the other, looking with concentration at the branch.  Her face showed her ambivalence at having to cut back the beautiful roses that threatened to turn the Vicarage into a fairy tale castle, unapproachable through the blooms and briars.  She looked beautiful.



The Padre held up the photo so that Evie could see it, and he was gratified when she gasped.  "I thought he didn't photograph me," she said.

"After he snapped this photo, having you pose would have been a silly waste of time.  So beautiful," said her husband.  "We'll take it to the framers this morning."  Although he did not show it, he was so overcome by the image that he forgot to speak in his usual language, which combined Elizabethan English with spurious Scottish phrases.

"What about those of you?" Evie asked, coming round to look over her husband's shoulder.

"Nice enough, for a beaky old Vicar," said her husband, "but not so stunning as yours."  The photo showed the Vicar standing calmly in the church, a hymnal in his hand, with the stone wall as a background; over him towered the beautiful stained glass windows.

"He didn't get much of a close up," said Evie, "You seem rather small."

"Nae, wee wifey, 'tis perfekt," said the Padre, lapsing back into his usual way of speaking.  "Shows the Vicar going aboot his daily round, but the Church, which lasts forever, provides his background and His glory."

"We must take both to the framers.  Where shall we hang them?" said Evie.

The photos of Irene and the Mapp-Flints, when they arrived then next day, were from Lucia's buffet luncheon which was held in the garden of Mallards House.  

One showed Elizabeth with her well-practiced false-wistfulness, leaning in to smell one of her sweet flowers, or more correctly, Lucia's sweet flowers; a nice shot, but more obviously staged than Beaton liked.  ("It was the best one I could get of the old girl, who would insist upon hamming it up for me," Beaton had said to Olga.)

Another showed Major Benjy, who was at attention and proffering a salute.  He looked very pukkah sahib and not a bit squiffy.

The third showed Irene, pipe in hand, gesticulating as the spoke passionately about her art.

The photos of the Pillsons arrived the day after this.  Beaton had planned the delivery of the photos carefully, giving each set of photos a day to be admired and talked about before the next set arrived.

One was an "action shot" of Georgie, nattily attired in white flannels and boater, in his shirtsleeves, his jacket being sportingly discarded.  He was focusing on his croquet ball, obviously intending to make a marvellous drive which would send his ball through the hoop and knock Elizabeth Mapp-Flint's ball out of play.  His good-natured delight at such a perfect shot lit up his face.  He looked young and sporting and happy, and his boater (with its band of Cambridge blue, which Beaton recognized from his days at St. John's College and had commented upon favourably) completely hid his toupet.  A private note, addressed to Mr George Pillson, said that Olga Bracely had chosen the photo and had been given a copy of it to keep for herself. This made Georgie even happier than did the photo itself.

And there were two photos of Lucia.  In the first, she was seated at the piano, her hands moving, blurred, as she played.  Her face, in profile, was calm and pleasant, that of a master pianist playing for her own enjoyment.  Lucia and Georgie both gave their post-Beethoven sighs when they saw this.  "Lovely," breathed Georgie. 

"I never knew what I look like when I play, before now," said Lucia.

"I like it," said Georgie, "You look so tranquil, truly communing with the Muses."

"Yes, I like it, too," said Lucia judiciously.  Since becoming Town Councillor and then Mayor, a change had taken place:  formerly, Lucia had to be the arbiter of all art and music and poetry; but since her mayoral duties weighed upon her so heavily (she said), she had begun deferring to Georgie in matters artistic.  This made good sense, because he was the better artist; he was also the better pianist, but Lucia felt one concession was enough and so she insisted upon remaining the musical expert--she had, after all, gotten her "bit" of Stravinsky by heart.

The second photo was of Lucia in her Mayoral robes, wearing her chain of office and her tricorn hat.  Lucia usually sat the hat squarely on her head; Beaton had made her tilt it to the side, "just a smidegon."  She looked both grave and efficient, but the tilted tricorn made her look approachable as well. Lucia sighed over this photo as well, for it was exactly as she hoped to appear as Mayor.

"Georgino!  Will you take these down to the framers?" she asked.

"Indeed, I will! and presto, presto, too!" said Georgie, eager for the photos to be properly displayed.  

Lucia and Georgie looked at one another and laughed out loud, just as they did when they finished one of their Mozartino duets at the same time.

"Such perfection!" said Georgie.

~~~~~~~~~~

The Wyses were last to receive their photos.  A note said that the painted portrait would take some time longer, but the Wyses could rest assured that it was in the making.  

Photographed together, Susan in silk and lace and her sables, the box containing her M.B.E. open on the table next to her along with a bottle of wine from the vineyards of Villa di Faraglione and a vase carved from malachite, and Algernon in velvet and silk, looking "very much Sir Henry Irving," as described by Beaton; it was exactly what the Wyses had wanted.  The distinguished mark of "Cecil Beaton, Photographer" was stamped on the photo.



"Well done," said Mr Wyse.

"Quite gratifying," Susan Wyse agreed, "So glad you thought of it, Algernon."

And there was a surprise for Mr Wyse:  a photo of voluptuous Susan, looking every inch the Queen of Sheba, wearing only her sables and a seductive look. Even though the photo did not show Susan's breasts or buttocks or "front bottom," she was obviously nude beneath her furs.  "For your eyes only, Algernon!" she admonished, "I do not want to be treated as the Pride of Poona!"

"Never, never!" cried her husband.  "This shall be kept in my dresser drawer, where only I can see it," he averred, forgetting that Figgis, his valet, had frequent access to that dresser.  Algernon Wyse dropped down onto one knee and took his wife's hand.  "My beautiful Susan!" he cried, "May I be encouraged to hope that I may visit your boudoir tonight?" 

"Of course, my dear Algernon!  With pleasure!" she replied, but before the two could go any further, the footsteps of the maid were heard outside the door; Mr Wyse stood up and both moved their faces into expressions less passionate and more acceptable to the staff.

~~~~~~~~~~

There was one more person in Tilling who received a photograph.  When allowed "off the leash" to wander Tilling and its environs, Beaton had decided to walk among the dunes; he wanted to get away from people for a bit.  As he crested one dune, he saw a vision, a young woman, nude, reclining upon a towel, exposing herself to the rays of the sun.  "Diana of the Dunes!" thought Beaton, snapping a photo just before the sand slid and shifted and revealed his presence. The young woman hastily pulled her robe around herself.

"I'm so sorry to have disturbed you, Miss!" he knew he should introduce himself, and quickly.  "I am Cecil Beaton, the photographer," he employed a ploy which he despised:  "You may have heard of me?"

"Yes, I've seen your work.  And you came here to photograph Mamma and my stepfather," replied this Diana.

"You're Miss Poppit? Isabel?" asked Beaton.

"Yes."

"Your mother said you lived out among the dunes.  She said that you called it the Browning Society, meaning the sunshine, not the poet; most amusing!"

"Thank you." There was a pause which could have been awkward but was really just Isabel, who had grown unused to conversation.  With a directness born of living alone (except for her maid) with sea and sky and sand, Isabel finally confessed, "I've come to enjoy the solitude of the dunes, but I do miss some of the luxuries."

Beaton seated himself in the sand where he could continue to observe Isabel, who was not a beauty in the traditional sense; Beaton was trying to find the words to describe her.  "I don't think I could live without the luxuries; the necessities, yes; the luxuries, no!" he said.  The two laughed.  Sun Sprite! he thought, She's a Sun Sprite!

"Mamma always encourages me to move back into town, and I probably will when it get too cold," confided Isabel.  "Last winter was Nordic hell."

"Certainly a good idea," Beaton agreed, "There's something to be said for a warm bath and hot tea on a cold day."  He paused.  "By the way, I took your photograph just now," he made his own confession.

"I thought I heard the shutter click," said Isabel tranquilly.

"You don't mind?"

"Not out here, where everything is free, and the air is easy to breathe, and the world has been scoured clean by the sand," replied Isabel.  "But I do hope you won't publish it.  Well, not for some years, anyway.  And leave my name off of it when you do.  Mamma might have a fit."

"I shall call it 'The Sun Sprite,'" said Beaton.

"Do send me a copy.  You can address it to me at Mallards Cottage."

"May I?" asked Beaton, indicating his camera.

"If you must," said Isabel, her eyes fixed upon the dunes.  Beaton stood and snapped several photos, moving around the seated Isabel.

"I shall send you copies.  But now I must get back into Tilling or I shan't be able to dress for dinner."

Isabel nodded.  "Dressing for dinner, and for tea, is so very important in Tilling," she said.

"Then, as the say in Tilling, Au Reservoir!" said Beaton.

Isabel smiled, "Au Reservoir!"



Beaton climbed back up the dune.  At the top he paused and looked back and was rewarded with another glimpse of Isabel as she opened her gown and exposed her skin once again to the society of the sun.  Just as Olga said:  Tilling has been more rewarding than I imagined, he thought as he trudged across the Camber sands toward the tram stop and the red brick and tile of Tilling.


THE END

Monday, November 11, 2013

All Fools Dance

By Kathleen Bradford, based upon characters created by E.F. Benson and expanded by Tom Holt, Guy Fraser-Sampson, and Deryck Solomon.  This story takes place just after my story, Gas and Drains and the Tilling Historical Society.


          Georgie Pillson was feeling pressured, and he didn't like it.  He was surprised and happy after being elected as President of the Tilling Historical Society, and he hoped it would help him step out of his wife's formidable shadow.  Lucia Pillson was Mayor of Tilling and as such she was also one of Tilling's magistrates; she sat on the Boards of Directors for the Hospital, the Workhouse, and the cricket and football teams.  She was a member of the Parish Council, supporter of the Girl Guides, benefactress of the Church (and it's organ).  But most of all, she was the queen of Tilling society, although her position as such was frequently challenged by Elizabeth Mapp-Flint.  Georgie didn't begrude his wife these roles and he supported her in most of her escapades and stunts, but he had grown a bit tired of being in constant eclipse.
          There were two main problems within the Historical Society which he had to address.  First, there was the price of membership--each new member was expected to donate something of historical interest to the Society for its museum display.  Georgie's friend Godiva Plaistow, a widow with a limited income, wanted to join but complained to Georgie that she could not afford to do so.  Georgie convened a special meeting of the Society's officers, himself, the President, Mr Sturges the Curate was Vice President, Mrs Bunty Morrison was Secretary and Mr Heyne proprietor of the draper's shop, Treasurer.  Georgie from the Gasworks as Member-at-Large and Sergeant-at-Arms (and tie breaker should the committee be deadlocked at two in favour, two against).                 
          President Georgie explained the problem with the donor-membership being too expensive and keeping people who wanted to join from doing so.  Mr Heyne explained that all members who paid dues were treated the same, which is as it should be [and which was beside the point].  Mrs Morrison suggested two levels of membership:  a regular membership for those who paid dues, and a donor membership for those who paid dues and contributed to the Society's collection.
          "I, myself, having a husband and the twins to look after, would prefer to be on the dues-paying side," she said.
          Georgie caught on.  "Yes, I see.  Either Mr Sturges or Mr Heyne and I could be the donor members of the committee, and Mrs Morrison and the remaining committee members could represent the dues-paying membership.  Georgie," he nodded at the Gasworks employee, "could continue to be the Member-at-Large and ensure that the votes of the donor members do not over-ride the votes of the dues-paying members.  The floor is open for discussion."  Lucia had instructed her husband to read Robert's Rules of Order, so that Georgie had a little knowledge of what was expected of him and of the terminology used.  He personally considered Robert's Rules too hide-bound.
          It was decided that Mr Pillson and Mr Heyne would represent the donor members, [and incidentally represent Tilling society and Tilling's tradesmen] while Mrs Morrison, Mr Sturges, and Georgie of the Gasworks would represent the dues-paying members.  
          "I'll draft a proposal and it can be presented to the voting members of the Society.  Simply put, two members of the Committee will be donors, two, dues-payers, with a dues-paying Member-at-Large will be the tie-breaker in Committee votes," said Mrs Morrison, displaying the common sense and organizational skills possessed by any good housewife and mother, "And after the members vote, we can make a public announcement about it, so that people who've been put off by having to be a donor will know that they can join without that burden."
          So it was added to the agenda for the next general meeting.
          And then arose Georgie's second problem as President.
          "But what I think we all really want to discuss, Mr President," said Mr Heyne, "Are your ideas for fund raising."  The other members murmured in agreement.
          “We were hoping for another feté, like you put on for the hospital,” suggested Mr Sturges.
          The President replied, “I’ve considered that, and I agree that it has been too long since we've had anything like that.  But I also firmly believe that for the maximum pecuniary advantage, it should be held during the summer when there are plenty of tourists.  So, if you don’t mind, I’d like to table that discussion for now.”
          Mr Heyne opened his mouth to protest that the Historical Society needed money now and waiting for summer was out of the question if they were to provide a decent museum display for tourists to visit before or after the feté, but Mrs Morrison, who was looking over her notes and did not notice that Mr Heyne was about to speak, stated, “Seconded.”
          Well, that was easy enough, thought Georgie.
          In answer to Mr Heyne’s unvoiced protestation, the President said, “Until then, we need something to tide us over, money-wise.  I was thinking perhaps a fancy-dress dance on All Fool’s Day, April 1st, which fall on a Wednesday this year.  I originally thought of Mardi Gras, but there won’t be enough time to prepare, since February is already upon us.”  Georgie was surprised how easy it was to talk about money in the cause of charity when it was so hard to talk about money when it came to personal incomes and expenditures.
          “That would be acceptable,” said the Treasurer, “But we need to gather a list of costs to see how much the Society can afford and to determine the price of tickets.”
          Because he was more interested in the fancy-dress part, Georgie had not considered that there would be costs.  Here the pressure began, for the Society had very little cash in its treasury.  “We’ll need to make a list, and I’ll look in to the costs,” he said.  Oh, no, this may be coming out of my pocket, he thought, but I do so want to make a good impression as President.”  And so the list was made Georgie’s face clouded, there was so much he had not anticipated in the way of expenses.  Lucia will know what to do, but I don’t want to involve her too much—I want this to be MY show, not hers, he thought.           
          It was getting close to time for lunch, so the meeting was adjourned, with plans to reconvene at the same time next week.

~~~~~~~~~~

          After the meeting and after a nearly-silent luncheon during which Georgie ruminated over what to do, he sat in his oak-panelled study and made more lists and wrote out his ideas.

  1. Rental cost of Institute
  2. Cost of refreshments: Canapés, Cake, Sandwiches, Tea, Punch, Liquor?
  3. Decorations (Heyne will provide discount)
  4. Dance band (Call Olga and ask for suggestions)
  5. Printing cost for tickets
  6. Price to be charged for tickets, one for members, one for non-members?
          Georgie decided he would first telephone Olga Bracely, his special friend who happened to be a Prima Donna and could provide ideas for entertainment.
          “Olga!? Olga, it’s me, Georgie!”
          “Beloved Georgie!  How are you?”
          “I’ve just been elected President of the Tilling Historical Society—”
          “No!”
          “Yes, little old me!  We want to do a fancy-dress fundraiser on April 1st, and I need to know what sort of dance band we might want, and where to find them, and what they might cost, since we don’t have very much money.”
          “Am I invited?”
          “Of course, we’d love to have you as our guest!”
          “Good.  I’ll arrange the band and bring them down with me.  You’ll have to put them up overnight.”
          “But, at the risk of being vulgar, what will it cost for them to play?”
          “When it’s for a charitable cause, nothing is vulgar.  If I can sing a few songs, there are plenty of musicians and dance bands who’ll be delighted to play for free, just so they can add me to their list of people they’ve accompanied.  You take care of the accommodation and feeding of the band, and I’ll take care of the rest.”
          “I knew you’d know what to do!” Georgie said, and I adore you, he added silently.  He committed to memory her words, When it's for a charitable cause, nothing is vulgar.
          “April 1st.  I’m writing it down in the appointment book that Lucia sent me.  Midweek, that’s good, most bands are booked up on weekends.  I must fly, I have a rehearsal, Cortese is being quite beastly and working me to death and I love it!  Send me a list of songs you’ll want the band to play!  Au Reservoir!” Olga rang off.
          Georgie felt he had done enough for the Tilling Historical Society for one day so he picked up his tambour and resumed his sewing, which demanded some attention but overall allowed his mind to wander.  And his mind wandered mainly to Olga.

~~~~~~~~~~

          “Caro, are you feeling well?  You have been very quiet today,” said Lucia at dinner.
          “I am quite well.  Just trying to sort things out for the Historical Society,” her sposa replied.
          “Tell me what you’ve planned, use me as a sounding board.  It will help, just as you listen to me when I have municipal matters on my mind.”
          Although he had told himself that he did not want to involve Lucia, the words came tumbling out, “Well.  The Committee met today.  We’ve decided to have two levels of membership, donor and dues-paying, and two Committee members will be donors and two, dues-payers, and so that the dues-paying people don’t feel run over by donors, we’ve made Gasworks Georgie, who is Member-at-Large and Sergeant-at-Arms and has the tie breaking vote, dues-paying.  It will go before the membership for a vote at the next meeting.” 
          “Very wise, a sensible plan, it will help increase membership,” said Lucia.  “But why do you seem so worried?”
          “Fund-raising.  I never realized how difficult it is," Georgie realized that if the dance was to be a success, and he was determined it was, he would need Lucia's help.  He sent forth a silent prayer that she would help, but not take over, as she usually did.  "The other members want something like your hospital feté, but I told them it would take some time to organize--setting a theme and making costumes and stage dressing--and it should be held where there are lots of tourists in town this summer,” Georgie stopped talking in order to eat some asparagus before the butter congealed upon it.
          “As long as your plans are coming together, I see no problem with another feté,” said Lucia.
          “The problem is that there isn’t much money in the treasury, and we’re working on having credible museum displays when the tourists begin to come.”
          “Have you a contingency plan?”
          “I’ve suggested, and the Committee agreed, that we have a fancy-dress dance on April 1st in order to get some income.  Just a Tilling dance, not really for tourists.  But there’s so much to do.  I never realized how much work it is, because you always make it look so easy,” Georgie knew Lucia would like being praised for her organizational skills.
          “Ah, yes, how Tilling works me.  But it’s a pleasure.  Is there anything I can help with?”
          “I’ve talked to Olga, and she’s going to come down and sing and bring a dance band with her--she specially said she was writing it in the appointment book that you gave her,” Lucia found this gratifying.  Georgie continued, “But we have to arrange for the band members to sleep over and to pay for their food,” Georgie held his breath.  Lucia was rightly envious of Georgie’s relationship with Olga, and Lucia could be quite arch about it.
          “See if the Trader’s Arms will give you a decreased rate for volume,” suggested Lucia, “And Olga will, of course, stay here at Mallards House.  Perhaps one or two of the musicians, as well.  Can she stay more than one night?”  Lucia, indeed, was doing everything she could to be supportive of President Georgie.  However, it did require a tremendous expenditure of self-control to keep from taking over, as she was wont to do; this is Georgie's show, stay in the background, she kept telling herself.
          Georgie looked at Lucia and sighed.  “I knew you’d understand!  You are wonderful,” he said gratefully.  “I’ll check with the Trader’s Arms tomorrow during shopping hour.  And since Diva wants to join, I’ll ask her for suggestions for canapés and whether to have a large cake or individual cakes.  And then there’s the question of drink.  Do we serve alcoholic beverages or not?  Mr Sturges suggested a ‘no-host’ bar, which surprised me since he’s the curate, where people could purchase a drink if they want one at their own expense.  I’ll check with the Trader’s Arms and the Globe and see what they suggest, and if they’ll do it cheaply.”  Georgie's lamb chop had grown cold while he and Lucia talked, but he liked cold lamb so he ate it with pleasure; he had not realized earlier just how hungry he truly was.
          “Are you going to have attendees purchase refreshments other than drink, or provide it with the price of admission?”
          “I want it on the admission price.  But Mr Heyne, who’s Treasurer, wants people to pay for everything!  I think that’s ungenerous, especially after they’ve already paid for tickets.”
          “In fund-raising, you have to strike a balance between being generous and being overly-generous.  If you charge too much, no one will want to come to your next fund-raiser; if you charge too little, you don’t raise any funds,” said Lucia, “Balance is the answer.”  She paused.  “And I have one concern.  If you have a bar, what if someone drinks too much and causes a disturbance?”
          “You mean like Major Benjy getting drunk at the Wyse’s dinner party and stopping cars in the street, saying he was police, do you not?”
          “Yes. And there is a licence you must purchase in order to sell liquor, even if it is for charity.  I’ll check with my Town Clerk about it tomorrow,” said Lucia.
          “Oh!  Another expense!  I’m so glad you’re helping me with this; it’s always good to have someone with experience guide one,” said Georgie.
          “I want your term as President to be a success,” said Lucia.
          “The Mapp-Flints have not resigned their memberships, as Elizabeth told Diva they would.  I think Elizabeth means to cause trouble, and we have to put the vote about the ‘no-host’ bar before the members.  I think that may be where she starts to cause trouble.”
          “It is always wise to anticipate trouble whenever Elizabeth Mapp-Flint is involved.  Just be sure you have more than one plan of action,” said Lucia, who was an old hand at fighting with Elizabeth.  Upon becoming the Queen of Tilling society, Lucia had taken the throne from Elizabeth, and Elizabeth was always trying to regain her kingdom.

~~~~~~~~~~

          The next general meeting of the members of the Tilling Historical Society was well-attended, for everyone wanted to hear what President Pillson was planning.  Attendees were not disappointed.  Georgie was very nervous at the outset, but found he was appearing before a friendly audience and his anxiety lessened.
          The dual-level membership was approved, and several people, including Diva Plaistow and the Bartletts, put themselves forwards as dues-paying members.  Algernon and Susan Wyse applied for donor membership, with Mr Wyse bowing to the Committee and to the collective membership in turn. 
          Mr Wyse waved his hand to indicate he had something more to say on the matter of membership and he was duly recognized by President Pillson.  
          “I congratulate the Committee on their innovative and inclusive approach to membership.  I do hope that I am not speaking out of turn, but in conversation with a friend who is currently a member of the Tilling Historical Society, I was encouraged to hope that the Historical Society might entertain, at some later date, a third tier of membership, that of Friend of the Tilling Historical Society, for those such as my sister the Contessa di Faraglione,” here Mr Wyse bowed to his sister, who was far away in Capri, “and the Prima Donna Olga Bracely,” he bowed in the general direction of London, “who is a dear friend of the Worshipful Mrs Pillson,” he bowed to Lucia.  “There may be others, as well, who would support the endeavours of the Tilling Historical Society but are not residents of our beautiful and ancient town.”  This idea was approved for Committee consideration and eventual presentation to the membership for vote.
          The plan for the feté, tentatively to be held in August, was enthusiastically approved.
          After acknowledging the shortage of funds for the Historical Society's displays in the Ypres Tower and the Museum, Georgie brought forth the plan for the Membership Dance, which was approved.  “There are some issues regarding the Tilling Historical Society Fancy-Dress Ball that members must vote upon.  First, do we charge extra for refreshments—tea and punch, and cake and biscuits—or do we include those refreshments in the cost of the tickets?  Those in favour of including refreshments in the ticket price?" then Georgie asked, "Those in favour of charging extra?”  The membership voted to include the refreshments in the ticket price.
          “Second, it has suggested that we provide a ‘no-host’ bar. . . " Georgie paused as Major Benjy voiced a loud, "Here, here!"
          ". . . at which each person ordering a drink must pay for that drink themselves, separate from the ticket price," Georgie continued, "One thing against it is that if we choose to do this, we will need to purchase a licence at Town Hall.  The second negative is that if we choose to do this, we will need to hire a constable to attend in order to ensure that no liquor is sold to anyone not of age and that there are no, ahem, incidents.  On the pro side, the Globe Tavern has generously offered to provide a limited array of drink and to donate a share of the proceeds to the Historical Society.
          “So, first we will vote on whether or not to serve alcoholic beverages.  If that passes, the second vote will be upon whether to serve just beer and wine or to include a limited array of cocktails along with the beer and wine.”
          Mrs Mapp-Flint was recognized by President Pillson.  “I think I speak for everyone here when I say that we do not want any form of liquor, and the possible problems attendant with inebriation, at our little dance.  Then we can save the expense of the licence and of paying a constable,” she said, then sat down.
          “Any other comments?  Yes, Mrs Wyse, as a probationary member, do please rise and offer your opinion,” said President Pillson, genially waving the gavel.  
          Susan Wyse, wrapped in her sable coat, with her sable muff in one hand, and her Rolls-Royce purring in the street outside, rose and said, “I do not know if I speak for anyone other than myself, and at the risk of being considered an inebriate,” there was a friendly chuckle from the audience, “I must say that I think a glass of wine or of champagne adds a great deal to my enjoyment of dancing, and I would find a wine bar most welcome.”  She sat down, thinking, And I would find a more comfortable chair most welcome, as well.”
          There was applause at this, and Algernon Wyse said quietly, “Well said, Susan.”
          There were no other members who wanted to speak, and the voting commenced.  Although many voted with Elizabeth against having liquor, the majority voted for a wine and beer bar.  A small minority, including Major Benjamin Mapp-Flint, voted for cocktails as well as wine and beer.
          “All right,” said President Pillson, “The membership approves provision of a limited bar serving wine and beer, and the membership approves the purchase of the licence and the hiring of a constable for the evening.”  He turned to Mr Heyne, “Mr Treasurer, please take special note, as the Committee will discuss the implementation of this at our next meeting.”  He turned back to the audience, “Is there any more business?  No?  No more business?  As a reminder, the Tilling Historical Society Fancy-Dress Ball will be held on Wednesday, April 1st, and tickets will go on sale March 15th.  And don’t forget, at our next meeting, Mrs Rice will present her work on the history of the teddy bear—you should attend, as you may learn that you have a valuable teddy tucked away in an attic.  Mark your calendars, everyone!”  Georgie smiled happily and with relief at his audience.  “I declare this meeting of the Tilling Historical Society adjourned.”  He looked at Mrs Morrison, who had been writing away harder than a school girl at a time-limited blue-book test, “And Mrs Secretary Morrison can give her hand a well-deserved rest!”  This drew a friendly laugh as Georgie banged the gavel.
          “That went well, I think, ’though I was ever so nervous,” said Georgie to Lucia as he joined her for the usual after-meeting cup of tea.
          “You were splendid!  You were authoritative enough to keep order but genial enough to encourage participation!” said Lucia.
          Percy the Town Surveyor joined them.  “I must say, when my brother nominated you, he hit the jackpot!  Never seen this much interest in Tilling history!  You've done the groundwork, but now the real work on the dance begins.”
          "Yes," said Lucia, "And while working on the dance, we must keep the idea of the feté in mind."
          Oh, dear, thought Georgie, What have I got myself into?

~~~~~~~~~~

          Mayor Lucia Pillson was in Town Hall discussing arrangements for the licence with her Town Clerk when Elizabeth Mapp-Flint entered.  Elizabeth stood waiting, a pensive little smile which boded no good played over her face.  Lucia concluded her instructions to the Town Clerk and turned.
          "Dear Elizabeth!  Delighted to see you.  Have you some business with the Clerk or did you want to see me?"
          "Dear Worship!  I want to see you, of course, if you can spare me just five minutes."
          "Certainly, certainly," said Lucia. 
          The two ladies stepped into an empty office.  Without seating herself or offering Elizabeth a seat, Lucia said briskly, "Now, Elizabeth, how may I help you?"
          "It's about the Historical Society serving liquor.  I believe that there is an ordinance stating that no liquor can be served within 500 feet of a church."
          "There was such an ordinance, but it was voted out in 1922, dear Elizabeth, so it no longer applies."
          Elizabeth was not to be put off so easily.  "Also, there is a bylaw in the rules for the Institute that no liquor can be served within it's purview."
          Lucia was equal to this, for it was just such matters that she had been discussing with her Town Clerk when Elizabeth arrived.  "If you read further in the bylaws, you'll find that that rule was repealed in 1920 when Lord Ardingly used the Institute for a reception after the wedding of a cousin, so that, too, no longer applies."
          Elizabeth wreathed her face with smiles.  "Dear Worship, so glad to have you to direct me in these matters," she purred. 
          "Any time, Elizabeth, that's what your Mayor is here for," Lucia smiled back, "I believe that's your five minutes, and I have a meeting to attend, so I'll bid you Au Reservior."
          Elizabeth walked out of Town Hall fuming.  She needed someone to take her frustration out on.  Benjy was playing golf, so the next best victim would be Diva.  Elizabeth made a beeline (or as much as a beeline as she could through Tilling's cobbled streets) for Wasters, Diva's home in the High Street.
          Elizabeth rang the bell.  No answer.  She rang again.  No answer.  She rang again.  The door swept open.  "Steady on with my bell!" said Diva grumpily.  Elizabeth swept past her into the sitting room.  
          "You'll never believe it," said Elizabeth dramatically.
          "Never believe what?" said Diva, who was always greedy for news.
          "Dear Worship using her office to ensure that the Historical Society can serve liquor."
          "What's wrong with serving wine?  We often have it at dinner," replied Diva.
          "But at a public dance!  Why, if people got drunk there could be fights, there could be a riot!"
          "I doubt the Historical Society would allow it.  Besides, Constable Norris will be there to stop it before it starts.  And Inspector Morrison's a member."
          "Surely you don't condone a drunken party which encourages disreputable behavior!  This dance is not like our quiet dinners with friends.  The tickets will be sold to the public and all the riff-raff of Tilling can attend!"
          "Doubt it.  Tickets are rather expensive, even with free refreshments.  And having to pay for your own beer or wine makes it cost even more," Diva had to be careful with her shillings.  Wickedly, Diva added, "No, the riff-raff of Tilling will probably be burglarizing our kitchens while we're at the Institute."  She was referring to Elizabeth burglarizing Lucia's kitchen in order to obtain the recipe for Lobster a lá Riseholme; Diva paused to let this stinger sink in.  "I'm looking forward to it!  I've been asked to consult on the refreshments menu!"
          More frustrated than ever, Elizabeth could only reply, "And have you offered them your recipe for soggy jam puffs?" as she marched out the door.
          Diva slammed the door behind her, then laughed--in fact, she had been asked for, and had provided, her recipe for jam puffs to the bakery which was to supply the foods for the refreshment table.  Diva thought, she who laughs last--well, Mr Georgie did pay me a consulting fee!  Can't wait to see Elizabeth's face when she finds that out!

~~~~~~~~~~

          The dance began to come together.   A theme was chosen, Tilling's Hidden History.  "That makes it easy," Georgie said, "any historical costume will do, and we don't have to bother with masks," and the Committee agreed with him.
          Heyne had provided fabric for bunting at cost, glad to get it out of his storeroom after it had languished there for three years.  Mrs Heyne and Mrs Worthington had volunteered to do the decorating, and silk flowers and bows decorated the bunting.  The Borough Arms of Tilling was repeated throughout the decorating theme.  The Institute had been thoroughly cleaned, and it's floor was waxed and polished to a high shine--but not too slippery to make dancing dangerous.
          The bakery was providing jam puffs, and sliced loaf cakes, and biscuits, also at a cut rate.
          The Globe had provided lager and bitters and stout on tap, and Lucia and the Wyses had donate several dozen bottles of champagne to add to the Globe's wine list for the evening.  
          Tickets had been printed and were selling quickly.  The fire ordinance limited the number of people that the Institute could hold, so there was the added anxiety that if a person did not buy early, the tickets would be sold out.
          Olga had confirmed that she was bringing half a dozen musicians down from London with her.   She had embraced completely the idea of being a Friend of the Tilling Historical Society, for in this instance she was helping out her beloved friend Georgie, and not coming to the rescue of Lucia.  Not only had Olga joined, but so had Cortese and his wife, and since his songs played a large part in the dance program (and because he was a little tipsy at the time), Cole Porter had purchased a Friends membership.          
          Poppy, Duchess of Sheffield, spoke warmly of Georgie's "dear little beard" and became a Donor, although her health kept her from attending--a lucky escape, thought Georgie, I'm fussed enough without being pursued by that woman.  Adele, Lady Brixton, and Lord Tony Limpsfield had become Friends as well, but were kept from attending.  And the greatest coup of all, Princess Isabel became a donor, for well she remembered meeting Georgie in Rishholme, "Ah, yes," she said when Olga approached her, "The man with the delicious apple tart!"  All sent telegrams expressing their regrets at being unable to attend the Tilling Historical Society's Fancy Dress Ball.  
          Unbeknownst to Georgie, Lucia had gotten Stephen Merriall to promise (for a small fee) to mention the dance in his newspaper society column, written under the nom de plume "Hermione."  He would not, of course, attend, but would write it up when Lucia called him and told him who was there, who regretted not being there, and who the illustrious members were.
          But at the back of Georgie's mind, the thought that he had forgotten something, something important, was niggling (but not scriggling).  He had his lists, everything was checked off and well in hand, and he was too busy discussing and approving everything to pay much attention to this little thought.

~~~~~~~~~
          
          On the day of the dance, an hour before Georgie was to go to the train station to meet Olga and her dance band, a telegram arrived at Mallards House.  DELAYED.  MEET 7:20 TRAIN.  OLGA.
          Oh, dear, thought Georgie, well, the dance doesn't begin until 8:00, so there'll just be time for the band to set up.
          And then that niggling little thought burst out into his conscious mind:  Oh, no!  I've forgotten to get myself a costume!  He had been so busy arranging things that he had, indeed, forgotten his costume.  There was only one thing to do, and Georgie did it:
         "Foljambe!  Foljambe!" he cried out, running through the house toward his bedroom.
         "Yes, Sir?" Foljambe appeared from within the bedroom.
         "My costume!  I forgot to get myself a costume!" the anxiety of the past few weeks suddenly hit Georgie, and he was near tears.  He sank down on the bed, a handkerchief in hand, mopping up perspiration and a couple of tears that slipped out.  "Oh, Foljambe," he moaned, "What am I to do?"
          "Your Francis Drake costume, Sir," replied Foljambe,  "I got it out of mothballs last week and made sure it was all ready for you to wear."
          Relief flooded Georgie's mind, "Foljambe, you are an angel!  Whatever would I do without you?"
          "I'm sure I don't know, Sir," she replied, "But if you have a moment to slip into the costume, we can make sure it fits properly."
          "Oh, yes, Foljambe!"

~~~~~~~~~~

          At 7:10, a nervous Georgie in his Sir Francis Drake costume (which fit beautifully, although the shoes were still a bit too tight) stood with Mr Wyse, dressed as a Restoration dandy in a costume of brocade, silk, lace, and a periwig, waited at the train station.  Cadman with Lucia's Rolls-Royce and Drake with the Wyse's limousine of the same make, as well as Percy with his van waited as well.  They were to rush Olga and the band to the Institute as soon as they arrived.

Rye Railway Station
http://www.panoramio.com/photo/7797914?tag=Railway%20Station 

          The train arrived, Olga, already dressed as Brunnhilde alighted.  What stares she had drawn from fellow passengers when she boarded the train in London!  "Georgino!" she called out in her distinctive voice.  "And Mr Wyse, yes, I remember meeting you the last time I was in Tilling--and were you in the audience when last I sang in Rome?  No?  I thought perhaps you had gotten a box with your sister the Contessa, but now I don't have to apologize for not getting to speak to you then, since it wasn't you."  Olga laughed, Mr Wyse bowed.
          The instruments were loaded into Percy's van, and people climbed into vehicles and they were quickly ferried to the Institute.  The band knew what it was doing and set up quickly.  
          Cadman went back to his home to change into his Beefeater costume, then he and Foljambe (dressed as an Elizabethan merchant's wife) drove with Lucia, dressed in splendor as Elizabeth I, back to the Institute, where crowds of people waiting to get in cheered the arrival of the Queen.
          Inside the Institute, people milled about greeting one another and looked over the food.   At 8:00 p.m. precisely, Georgie took the stage.  He tapped on the microphone.  "Is it working?" he asked, and a roar from the audience told him it was.  He told those gathered of the illustrious, newly-acquired Friends and Donors and he read aloud their telegrams.  And then he said, "Since we're all here to dance, let us Begin the Beguine!" The band began to play.
          Then, with Brunnhild on one arm and Queen Elizabeth on the other, Sir Francis Drake began to make his way through the crowd, acknowledging friends and acquaintances, admiring everyone's costumes and being admired in turn.



          "Sir Francis!  Lovely Brunnhild!  And and own dear Queen Elizabeth!" said a voice behind them.  Elizabeth Mapp-Flint was in Victorian dress, a banner wrapped around her, from her shoulder to her waist proclaimed, "Temperance!" on the front and "Say No to Strong Drink!" on the back.  Major Benjy was wearing his old Army uniform, which was just moth-eaten enough to appear antique.
          "Elizabeth!  Lovely to see you!" said Lucia, "And such a dear costume!  So glad you could attend my Georgie's little dance."
          "I see you've chosen to be the Virgin Queen once again, dearest Lulu," replied Elizabeth with her widest smile.
          "Yes, Lib-lib, but Georgie and I have made major alterations in our costumes, although if you're not versed in the fashion of that era, you may not notice them."
          Olga had little patience with "that odious woman," Elizabeth Mapp-Flint, so she turned to Major Benjy.  "How well you look in that uniform!  Do dance with me, Major!"
          Major Benjy, who had been trying to lose his wife in the crowd so that he could make his way to the bar, said heartily, "My pleasure, dear lady!" and the two disappeared into the crowd.



          Mr and Mrs Wyse joined the Pillsons and Elizabeth.  Both were dressed in Restoration costume and Mr Wyse was sporting a long wig in the finest Charles II style.  Mrs Wyse was showing rather more décolletage than was wise, but her ample bosom was in keeping with the Restoration style of clothing.  "A triumph!" declared Mr Wyse, after bowing to Lucia, Elizabeth, and Georgie in turn.  
          Susan Wyse hastened to agree, "Such costumes!  Mr Georgie, you've replaced the lining in your slashed sleeves--so elegant!"  Georgie bowed.  Diva joined the group.
          "Same costume as when you played Mary, Queen of Scots, I see," said Elizabeth.
          Mr Wyse knew Elizabeth was being rude quite without reason.  "Mrs Plaistow, if that is the same costume, how you've improved it!  Astonishing!"
          "Indeed, Diva, most successful," said Lucia, and Susan murmured in agreement.
          "Thank you," said Diva.  "I've been adding to it over the past few years, and finally got it to where I like it."  And indeed she had, the gown was a wonder to behold.  What was formerly a plain red gown had been embroidered with gold thread and pearls, and a cartwheel collar of delicate lace with matching cuffs had been added, as had a collar of pearls and paste gems set in gold foil.  A round fan completed the costume.
          A squeak announced the arrival of the Padre and Evie Bartlett.  Evie exclaimed, "Diva!  What wonders you've worked!  That dress suits you and the Queen of Scots perfectly!"
          "Aye, Mistress Plaistow!  I ne'er would execute you in such a bonny costume!" said the Padre.
          "Queen Mary," said Georgie with a bow and a flourish, "May I have this dance?"  Diva took Georgie's arm and they also vanished into the crowd.
          The Wyses and the Bartletts declared their intent to join in the dancing and they disappeared, leaving Lucia and Elizabeth together.
          Lucia looked pointedly at Elizabeth's costume.  It might have been found in a trunk in the attic, for it looked like it had belonged to Elizabeth's frequently-mentioned Great Aunt Caroline, or possibly even to her Grandmamma Mapp.                 
     Before Lucia could say anything, something odd happened.  A masked man dressed in a Commedia dell'Arte costume skipped up to the two ladies.  His movements were odd, as if his body's center of gravity kept shifting.  He made a grand obeisance and announced, "I am Tagliacarte the Fool!  Mi Temperanza, I have found you!  I have come to claim my dance!"  He grabbed Elizabeth's hand and pulled her to the dance floor; she was too startled to resist.



http://shotgunplayers.wordpress.com/2012/06/

          He spun Elizabeth onto the dance floor, pulling and pushing her, and spinning her again and again.  She tried gamely to keep up but it soon became too much.   She saw Benjy standing to the side, "Benjy!" she called, but he merely waved his brandy glass at her in acknowledgement.  "Stop, stop!" Elizabeth told her partner.
         "No, no, mi Temperanza!  Che mi hai promesso un ballo!  Io rivendico la mia danza!" he spun Elizabeth again.  She felt giddy.
          Lucia had made her way to the dance floor.  She watched as the strange character spun Elizabeth around.  "Irene has gone too far this time," Lucia said aloud.  
          "Beloved Lucia!  Did you just call for me?" Quaint Irene Coles appeared next to Lucia, her pipe in hand, her costume a fisherman's slicker and rubber boots.
          "If it isn't you, than who is dancing with Elizabeth?" Lucia exclaimed.
          "Never seen him before," replied Irene, trying unsuccessfully to light a match on the sole of her rubber boot.
          Georgie and Olga joined them.  "Who's dancing with Elizabeth?" Georgie asked.
          "I have no idea, he came up and grabbed her and pulled her into the dance," replied Lucia.
          Suddenly the song ended.  Another man dressed exactly the same costume confronted the first.  "Come si permette!  Temperanza, lei è mia!"  
          Another song began.  Each man grabbed one of Elizabeth's hands and they began pulling her back and forth, spinning her.  They appeared to be arguing over which man was going to dance with her.  They moved her around and around, their own movements becoming more antic.
          Elizabeth pulled her hands out the the men's grasps.  She planted her ample weight firmly and exclaimed, "Stop!"
         "Lei non danzerà!  Si può avere la sua," said one man.



http://shotgunplayers.wordpress.com/2012/06/

          "Lei è la tua Temperanza, ballare con lei," said the other.  
          The two men began to fight, and the dancers cleared the floor.  In perfect time to the music, the men tumbled and rolled across the floor, never quite striking each other, each exclaiming, "Ballare con lei!" and "Lei è la tua Temperanza, non mio!"  
          Then one man went down on on knee, the other skipped up, placed one foot on the other man's knee and flipped himself through the air, landing perfectly.  
          The crowd began to clap, all except Elizabeth Mapp-Flint, who stood still, fuming like an active volcano.  The two men ran to her and once again each grabbed her hand and pulled her back to the center of the floor.  "Inchino,  mi Temperanza! Inchinarsi al pubblico!" one commanded; "Bow, my Temperance, bow to the audience!" said the other.  There was nothing for Elizabeth to do but bow, first to the audience, then to each man in turn.  One kissed her hand.  Then waving their arms about, they skipped off of the dance floor and out the door, followed by loud cheers and applause.
          "Georgie!" Olga and Lucia exclaimed together, then laughed.  
          Lucia continued, "Georgie, did you arrange that?"
          Georgie blinked.  "I had nothing to do with it," he looked at Lucia and Olga in turn, "Who were those men?"
          Olga gave a delicious laugh, "Never mind that!  What a show!"
          The rest of the evening passed without further ado.  Olga sang three popular songs and people stood listening, and the applause and cheers for her was as loud as that for the clowns.  
          People kept congratulating Georgie on the show, and he kept saying, "I knew nothing about it.  Nothing!"
          At last the dance drew to a close.  After most of the people had left, Evie Bartlett began to help cleaning up.  "Stop, Mrs Bartlett," said Georgie, "You're a guest!  There are chars who will clean up tomorrow morning," he raised his voice, "If anyone wants to take home some leftover food, please do so--it's been paid for, so don't let it go to waste!"
          The Bartletts and Mrs Morrison, dressed as Florence Nightingale, and several other members of the Tilling Historical Society filled plates with leftovers before leaving.  Diva, her own plate in hand, noticed Elizabeth carrying out a large plate of jam puffs; Diva stored this knowledge away for use when Elizabeth was rude about her jam puffs in the future, but right now Diva was too tired, and too happy, to think of something stinging to say.
          The merry brothers, Georgie of the Gasworks and Percy the Town Surveyor began to heap biscuits and jam puffs on plates. Georgie saw that they were not in costume.  They noticed Georgie watching them, "Lovely do," said one; "Enjoyed myself immensely," said the other.
          "I didn't know that you knew how to speak Italian," said Georgie quietly so that the other lingering guests wouldn't hear.
          Gasworks Georgie and Surveyor Percy smiled widely.  "Why, President Pillson, we don't speak one word of Eye-talian, you know that!" said Percy with a wink.  "Except Zingari," he added, giving the name of an opposing football team.
          "Been working on that show since we were kids, never thought we'd get to perform it, but Mrs Mapp-Flint, with her Temperance ribbon and her husband in tow, was too good a target to miss," said the Gas Man.
          "Now, that I understand completely!" said Georgie Pillson.
          "So.  What are you planning for our next do?" asked Percy.
          "I'm not sure yet," replied the President, under pressure.

THE END

Note:  I used Google translate for the Italian, so please forgive any mistakes.